Loneliness, and Sleepless Nights Filled With Questions About What I Did Wrong, Why I Was No Longer Enough, and How a Marriage I Fought to Save Ended With Me Being Discarded Like I Never Mattered
Loneliness has a way of making nights longer than they should be. For me, sleep became impossible. I lay awake night after night, staring into the darkness, replaying every conversation, every argument, every moment I thought love would win. My mind was filled with painful questions that had no answers. What did I do wrong? When did I stop being enough? How did someone who once promised forever walk away like I never mattered? Those questions echoed louder than the silence around me.
I fought for my marriage with everything I had. I compromised, forgave, apologized even when I didn’t understand what I was apologizing for. I believed love meant endurance, patience, and sacrifice. I ignored warning signs and convinced myself that things would change if I tried harder. I carried the weight of the relationship alone, hoping my effort would be enough for two people. But slowly, I realized I was fighting a battle I could not win alone.
When the marriage ended, it didn’t just end—it shattered me. I wasn’t just losing a partner; I was losing a future I had planned, dreams I had nurtured, and an identity I had built around being someone’s spouse. The way it ended hurt the most. There was no closure, no explanation that made sense. I was discarded quietly, like something no longer useful. The rejection cut deeper than words could express.
After the separation, the loneliness became unbearable. Friends who once celebrated my marriage disappeared. Family members avoided the topic or whispered behind my back. I felt judged, blamed, and misunderstood. Some implied I had failed as a partner. Others suggested I should have tried harder. No one saw the tears I cried in private or the emotional exhaustion I lived with daily.
Nights were the worst. Sleep escaped me completely. I replayed memories, searching for the exact moment everything went wrong. I questioned my worth, my attractiveness, my value as a person. I wondered how love could turn into indifference so easily. I felt invisible, unwanted, and broken. There were moments I doubted if I would ever feel whole again.
